The Four Stages of Relationship
Each of these stages is normal, sequential, and builds on what has gone before, and each stage broadens our view of ourselves, our partner, and the world, just as when we climb a hill or a mountain, the higher we climb, the more inclusive and expansive our view.
Red Alert: Understanding and Working with The Triggered State
Why do we get so upset and out of control, and so quickly--especially with those we love?? And what can we do to work with it and to stop it?
TIME-OUT/CPR (Time-Out with a Caring Plan to Reconnect)
Work out a way with your partner to keep things safe and respectful.
Two Truths of Relationships
There are two truths, always, in a Relationship—and that is part of the beauty and richness that Relationships can offer.
The Three Gardens of Relationship
In a Relationship, Separateness is as important as Connection, and Boundaries are as important as Bridges. The “Three Garden” metaphor is a simple and clear way to look at Boundaries in Relationships, and to understand the ebb and flow of Connection and Separateness.
Boundaries and Bridges: The Basis of Self-Care in Relationship
Connection and Separateness need to co-exist in a working Relationship, and finding that balance means both setting Boundaries and building Bridges with our partner.
Self Care in Relationship
As we honor our own truth, and also our partner’s, we begin to respect each other’s boundaries, each other’s separate gardens. We begin to create a space for each of us to have a sense of our own autonomous selves within the container that is our relationship.
Part 1: Stumbling Blocks,
Part 2: Building Blocks, and
Part 3: Strategies for Removing Blocks and Building Satisfying Communication
Autonomy and Connection in Relationship
When couples figure out that their joy in relationship doesn’t come from focusing only on the ways we are connected, but equally on the ways we are separate, new possibilities and a new sense of ease and comfort can result. Imagine two people, who respect and like themselves, trust themselves, are confident, use their creativity, and take responsibility for their own well being. Put two people like that in a relationship, and they will likely foster and nurture, exponentially, their own and each other’s growth, well-being, possibility, and happiness.
The Nurturing of Connection and Collaboration in Relationship
When two people’s lives are so intertwined that their future, their plans, and their wishes, hopes and dreams depend on each other, it takes more than acting together: it takes sharing everyday thoughts and feelings, noticing each other, tuning into each other periodically, respecting each other, and developing the feeling that they “have each other’s back.”
Beyond Power Struggles and Into Collaborative Partnership
If partners actually implement this notion of one person talks at a time, while the other listens receptively, that there are two truths that need to be expressed, heard and respected (but not necessarily agreed with), then the seeds are planted for coming together as a team, a partnership, a unit, that has the best interests and well being of each person and the relationship at heart.